Barf August 29, 2008

I’m annoyed with myself for falling off the blogging wagon for so many weeks.  I’m back now and things are really good.  The brooding only lasted the week I wrote about it and the last 3 weeks have been happy and normal, with no emotional baggage dragging me down whatsoever.  I feel confident in saying that I have succeeded in letting go.  Completely.

I finally went to those Munay-ki rites about 2 weeks ago.  It was so not my thing, and resulted in throwing me off this spiritual exploration kick I was on.  I just couldn’t get down with it; couldn’t rationalize the belief system (it kind of embarrassed me that I was trying).  I did do some awesome drumming though.  Oh yeah, and that tattoo: I didn’t mention it at the time, but I was totally over that a week after I wrote about it.  Maybe, I’ll tell Meaghan what it was; otherwise, the word is mum (is that a real phrase?).

I still haven’t finished A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court, though I plan to visit my favorite tea shop tomorrow morning and read for hours.  A classic ideal Saturday morning, Breanne-style.

Brooding August 7, 2008

I haven’t been writing lately because I’ve been too busy brooding.  All week.  It’s really distracting and not very fun.  I wake every morning and cry before I set off to face my day.  Once I get to work, I’m mostly fine, but then my mind begins racing with it all as soon as I get alone again.  This is, of course, because of feelings toward my friend.  I visited from my vacation — a foolish idea as it just slumped me back down again.  I no longer feel anxiety.  I’m no longer worried or concerned about ever making it back to a satisfying friendship with this person.  I am angry.  I am sadly disappointed.

Immediately prior to my illumination with the shamanic healer, I was asked to describe to her where in my body I felt pain.  I was experiencing great anxiety at that time and felt it located physically in my chest, and a little in my stomach.  This anger, though, is in my throat.  I placed it right away.  It does feel good to be intune to that; it’s interesting to me.  I believe in chakras.

I’m not as consistently miserable as this is maybe making me sound.  In fact, I was the recipient of a charming little flirtation today that lifted my spirits — involving lots of cute waves and dopey grins.  It was nice to be made to smile after so many recent frowns.

Disaster August 4, 2008

Last week, I was listening to Talk of the Nation on NPR.  The guest is an author who wrote a book about all the multiple ways that humans react to disaster situations and why.  It’s a pretty interesting topic, you can listen to the discussion here:  http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=93033947

The conversation touched on preparation in the case of a catastrophe, such as planning a meeting place for your family for if you should get separated.  The author mentioned that she takes the stairs out of her building everyday; she’s done it so often that she could do it with her eyes closed.  I do that too!  I’m amply prepared to escape my building in case of an emergency and I didn’t even know it.  I could get out through three different stairwell exits with my eyes closed, or clouded by smoke, or poked out by hooligans.  Everytime I take the stairs now, I feel awesome and think, “I’m so prepared.” 

Of course, all this accidental preparedness is quite counter-balanced by the fact that I usually ignore the fire alarm when it spreads throughout the building encouraging everyone to evacuate (I know, shameful!).  I have excuses aplenty, of course, for why I stay inside (mostly of the “boy who cried wolf” variety), but I won’t detail them here; I really just need to stop doing it.

Book Club August 1, 2008

I finished reading “Persuasion” this past Sunday. Meaghan finished Saturday. It’s not a race, but I’ll still say that she won because I do think it’s fun to make everything a sort of game. Anyway, I loved it; I want to live in the book; I want to fall in love. Meaghan and I talked Wednesday night for about an hour, gushing about it. That lady is filled with facts! I learned some interesting details regarding a “name tax” from days gone by. After our phone date, I watched the 1995 movie version of the novel. It was good, though nowhere near as heart-wrenching as the book.

The next book on our list is “A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court” by Mark Twain. I started it Sunday evening and I think it is SO funny! Periodically, I will even stop reading and exclaim, out loud to myself, “this is so funny!” Mr. Twain has crafted such excellent sentences — they are simple and straight forward and the tone is very matter-of-fact. This is a great carrier for the humor; because there is no showiness, it allows the remarkable wit to sneak up on you in a way. Suddenly, my eyes track over it and I can’t help but laugh; if I were drinking something, I would choke it up, it’s that unassuming. It tickles me to no end. (my grandma says, “tickles.” I chose it over “delight” as I’ve been using that one a lot lately.)

Hooray for good books!