A Bird, a Horse, or a Muffin? December 26, 2008

Starring:
Barista Girl — tall, thin, early 20’s, curly-haired girl with lovely eyelashes.
Barista Boy — tall, thin, early 20’s, light brown-haired boy who, admittedly, is somewhat bird-like.

At the coffee shop in Border’s Books. I had just ordered the Peppermint Mocha Trio.

Barista Girl: If I were a drink, I’d be the Peppermint Mocha Trio.

Barista Boy: I’d probably be a soy chai latte. If I was going on which one I liked best.

Barista Girl: It’s not about which one you like best, but which one you are most like. I think I’m like the peppermint mocha trio because it’s smooth and creamy. I don’t know how chocolatey I am though …

Barista Boy: I have a friend who used to play this game where everyone has to decide if you’re a bird, a horse, or a muffin. People always say I’m a bird. Always.

At this point, I was invited into the conversation. Barista Girl and I both wish to be muffins, however are certain others would see us as horses — a disappointing selection, since neither of us are fond of horses. I should figure out what it means to be a muffin, write a sort of code-of-conduct, and start living my life accordingly. To avoid anyone mistaking me for a horse. Of course.

It’s all nonsense of course, but a surprisingly entertaining little conversation starter. And now I ask, which one are you: a bird, a horse, or a muffin?

Homeward Bound December 19, 2008

This evening after work, I disembarked the train downtown to catch a movie (as I often do). You know what that means? Popcorn for dinner. My movie target was Slumdog Millionaire, and I was not disappointed; it is brilliant! Such an excellent story! I have officially moved Danny Boyle to the top of my favorite director’s list. I bought my ticket at 5PM, intending to catch the 5:15 showing, but for some reason, the ticket seller gave me admission for the 4:45 start-time. Pfft. I went to the 5:15 one anyway, which was a bit like sneaking in — in a really lame, unexciting way which probably only I would find entertaining (nerd).

After the movie, I called B-town to tell him how fabulous I thought SM was, then trained it home. I live just 2 blocks away from the nearest light rail station. It is awesome; convenience at its best! On the corner, a man was yelling angrily into his cell phone. “How the F&#@ do I get there! I’m AT the Convention Center! Where the F@!$ do I need to go?!” Very angy. I considered stopping to ask him if he needed some assistance getting somewhere, but didn’t. Frankly, I was afraid of getting yelled at. Nearing my home, I passed another man on the phone. He said, “Well can I get an apology then? ‘Cause you are being a very nasty bastard!” I am 100% certain he was talking to the man at the other end of the block. Oh, I hope it’s true! I totally wanted to ask; I tried to catch his eye so I could politely do so, but he didn’t pay any attention to me. Instead, I buried my face in my scarf and laughed the rest of the way to my door.

It’s snowing again in Portland and is supposed to continue on through the night. I officially cancelled any ideas of going to the hometown for Christmas with my family. Don’t want to drive in bad weather and would rather stay in Portland anyway. I’ll probably spend the day with some friends at The House of Rambo. What’s that, you ask? Well, aren’t you glad I found this exchange with a friend of mine who asked that very same question a couple months ago? Here’s how it went down:

October 16 at 3:39pm
ME: House of Rambo. Sounds exciting, eh? … It’s just the pet name for a friend’s house — sadly, not very exciting. Though there is a cute little dog there and multiple accordions.

October 16 at 3:41pm
MY FRIEND: How did your friend get that nickname, if I may ask…

October 16 at 3:46pm
ME: It’s 3 dudes living in a house, which makes the house pretty manly (though they all bake and brush their hair more than I do), and Rambo is manly too, so… The real story is: there’s a decorative “R” on front and back screen doors; they wanted it to stand for something; Rambo was chosen.

October 16 at 3:52pm
MY FRIEND: Ahh, that’s a pretty cool story.

October 16 at 3:54pm
ME: AND they all have matching sailor shirts (no lie).

October 16 at 3:55pm
MY FRIEND: Sounds like a bunch of homos. Are they gay?

And there you have it. Now the whole world knows. And no, they are not gay.

Charm and Etiquette December 18, 2008

Venturing home after work today was a delight! First, the train operator was quite chatty. The trains were stalled for some unknown reason, so there was much waiting and he (the driver) asked us to ponder the length of a piece of string as a way of deducing the exact timeframe meant by “shortly.” As in: we’ll be getting a move on shortly. When we did indeed start moving (after what I experienced as a rather lengthy interval from the mentioning of shortly) he popped back on the intercom and asked if anyone had seen a tan backpack. The owner was missing it. Then came this gem, “The owner is wearing a red suit, white trim. Said the bag had some things in it … for … someone.” This made me laugh; I love Santa humor!

When I got to the door to my building, three boys on bikes whizzed by and they all made a friendly gesture of greeting! The first shouted, “Three inches for life!” I have no idea what that means, but I pretended it meant “hello.” The second held his hand up for a high-five. Unfortunately, my hand was in my pocket at the time, fishing around for my keys. With the speedy transport of bicycling involved, there was no time to retrieve my hand for any other actions. The third blew a kiss. Aw, is there anything more charming than a blown kiss? I think not. Now at home, I’m still bummed about missing out on that high-five; I love high-fives!

My boss is getting married in January! All of us ladies in my group at work were invited to the ceremony. I finally gave the invitation a real look-over when I got home today and realized the RSVP was requested by Dec. 10th. Oops. Tomorrow I plan to apologize for my lack of etiquette and see if I can still attend. I’m pretty sure she’ll say yes, so I’m not too worried, though I’ve a slight concern that she might think I’m rude or don’t care. Not true! I even changed the zero in 10 to a 9, as in 19 (tomorrow’s date) so I can pretend that’s what my response card said all along. Of course she won’t buy it, but cuteness might win me some points; I love winning!

Snow Days December 16, 2008

Portland saw its first snowfall of the season on Sunday. It created such cheerfulness! I received a few calls and messages from friends exclaiming their snowy glee. What fun!

Monday had people hesitant to go out. Schools were cancelled, lots of people missed work. I was one of only three people in my group of 8 who bothered to show up to work at all. I exited my apartment building that morning to a whoosh of freezing cold wind that literally took my breath away. Luckily, the trains had been running all night to avoid the annoyance of frozen tracks, so there were no winter weather delays on my way to work. I was still late though (as usual). Plus, I got the happy bonus of getting to leave early!

On the way home, I saw a bird eat a chunk of snow. It was cute.

Today still saw a lot of snow on the ground and the added bonus of plentiful ice. More people made it into work and we’re all playing catch up. I finally found my gingerbread man hands (pet name for my mittens), so they were a nice addition of warmth to my bundled up, train ride with 10 minutes on foot, trip to work. Ice on the tracks did hold up my train ride this morning, so I was late (again, as usual).

People seem friendlier in the snowy weather, smiling and greeting those they pass while walking as carefully as possible on the slippery sidewalks. It’s my new favorite thing about snowy days, having never really noticed it before. I think the temporary change of condition excites people and they can’t help but share that giddiness with others; plus, I’m sure we all feel silly walking like such unsteady, marching children on the snow and ice. With the cheer in the air, I wasn’t even very bothered by the driver who came barelling up to the red light, slamming on his brakes, skidding on the ice, when he saw me in the crosswalk. I scoffed a snooty, sarcastic, “thanks a lot,” under my breath, but still couldn’t help but smile.

Tonight is supposed to bring more snow and freezing rain. The general assumption at work is that this prediction will be realized and everybody will stay home tomorrow. Everybody. I was pretty much told not to try and come in. “Be careful tomorrow,” said an email from the outside. “Bundle up!” I’ll have to wait and see though, what exactly tomorrow brings.

Guilt Schmilt December 12, 2008

I literally just ate a pile of cookies. A small pile, sure, but still a pile. The ladies at work and I were recently gifted a large tin of chocolate coated biscuits. We have a joke that they (the cookies) talk to us, saying things like, “Eat me, Breanne. Really. I want you to.” I apparently listened. All the sugar in my system has made concentrating on work an annoyance. I am too jumped up for that nonsense! Instead, I choose to abuse company hours and internet access by blogging. Shameful.

Of course, I feel very lucky to still have a job in this depressing economy. I’ve been very lucky so far (a knock – a pound – on wood; oh please don’t let that statement jinx me).

I don’t have many non-essential luxuries (ie, cable TV, gym membership) and have even found a way to forego some of the seemingly essential ones (ie. car). This has kept me in a good place, I think, to weather this “crisis.” My loved-ones seem similarly well placed. Of course, it’s comforting and I’m thankful, but it makes me feel a bit naïve about the extent of the economic state. I listen to the news and can’t connect the dots to my experience. I had to put quotes around crisis because I can’t fathom it that way. In the back of my head is a tiny seed of guilt for not having it harder when world news tells me so many people do; and for not having the means to help.

Why is that? Why are we humans so prone to guilt over things beyond our control?

Jaws: Dreamland Style December 9, 2008

I’ve been having memorable dreams lately. On Sunday night, I was watching Jaws in my dream. It was not like the real Jaws. After I was part way through it, my phone rang. It was B-town’s sister Kelly. I told her what I was watching and she said her brother was in the movie, at the beginning. So I hit the good ‘ol rewind button and sure enough the first scene was with 2 kids, one of which looked just like an 8-yr-old version of my friend B-town. I somehow missed this scene in my first watching, so I paid attention this time. The kids were in the front yard, playing, when a swarm of bees came after them. One kid was scared and ran away, but B-town stared that swarm in the face and ATE one of the bees! What a badass.

Then my brain did a weird thing. It tried to find reasons why this scene existed and excuses why it made sense with the basic storyline of Jaws. My argument was that the bee danger foreshadowed the coming shark danger. Pfft, whatever. Then I became preoccupied with some math: Jaws was released in 1975; B-town was supposedly born in 1978, so I was like “he has been such a liar about his age!”

That’s it. The whole dream.

December December 6, 2008

The month is off to a good start so far. It’s finally gotten cold enough here in Portland for me to consider turning the heat on and piling more blankets on the bed. I’m a bit relieved because I recall thinking in November that it was odd I hadn’t had to do that yet. Today was beautiful, really cold but crisp and sunshiney.

I felt restless today. Just about every Saturday for the past two months, I’ve spent at Joanna’s place working on the children’s book. I craved that sort of mutual creating interaction today. Luckily, my good friend B-town was home, mathing it out and designing the legendary Cake House, and in total agreement to allow me into his lair to write in his presence. We ate pizza, reminisced, talked about time travel and he even let me gush and show him photos and youtube videos of Robert Pattinson. And then it was to our separate sides of the room to draft/write.

It was really cold and foggy as I walked home afterward, and I thought it could snow.

I’m feeling weird about Christmas this year. It feels like it’s already over. I haven’t really done any shopping and I don’t plan to. Going home for the holiday feels like such a hassle and I might decline doing so. I’m not sure what it is. I had a dream last night where my parents hated me. They were like, “We hate you. We don’t want you to be our daughter anymore. Never talk to us again.” In reality, this would be a super tragic, frightening thing, but in my dream world I was completely understanding and felt they were absolutely entitled to feel that way. I specifically remember thinking, “Yes! This means I’m free on Christmas!” So hum-drum, eh?

There’s this inflatable Santa at my work that keeps popping up in different areas of the building. As I was leaving yesterday, it was by the exit I use, deflated and sad looking on the floor. I took a picture with my phone. I really wanted to post it here as a sort of example of how pointless Christmas feels to me this year, but my phone is misbehaving and I cannot retrieve the picture. For now, just imagine it in your heads and have a good evening. Imagination is priceless.

What I’ve Been up to. December 5, 2008

I know, it’s been three months. Here’s what I’ve been up to:

1. I’ve been reading lots of books, including the Twilight series (*rolls eyes*).  Yeah, I play aloof on my blog, but the truth is I loved those stupid freakin’ books and read the whole series in under a week.  I saw the movie too and now am ridiculously enamored with Robert Pattinson.  Did you know he’s also a musician?  A pretty damn good one, in my opinion.  You can hear him in action here.

2. I wrote a children’s book!  My friend Joanna and I wrote, illustrated and printed the thing.  You can read about it, in parts, with these links to the blog on my Myspace page: 

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

At this point, I haven’t put up the final info on the book.  I’ll get to that and post the link when it’s done.

3.  Pizza Quest! I’ve been hunting Portland for my favorite pizza and documenting the search in pictures  on my Facebook (yes, I have a myspace and a facebook — I am that lame). 

Like everything in my life, apparently, it too needs to be updated.  Sheesh. 

4. I was introduced to the comic genius of Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace.  Sadly, a very short-lived TV show in England.  Goods news: all the episodes are on YouTube.  Here’s part 1 of Episode 3 — Skipper the Eye Child. Note: if you don’t laugh, we probably can’t be friends.

There.  Up to date.